So Loved

This week has been one of the best yet hardest weeks for me since Isaiah passed away. It feels so strange to say it was the best and yet the worst at the same time, but I am learning to accept this roller coaster of emotions as life now.

Tuesday was my due date. It was just a date that most likely Isaiah wouldn't have been born on yet we looked forward to that date for so many months, so it had deep significance to us. I dreaded this day as I knew the tears and emotions it would bring - which it did, but it also brought one of the most touching surprises.

I received an email from a dear friend, Jen, on Monday night. I know Jen from my high school days of laughing our way through French class, but time and distance drew us apart in the last 10 years. We both went to college, met amazing husbands and started "real life" - she in Seattle and I in Chicago. Thanks to Facebook (that's right I still use Facebook and I'm proud of it!), Jen and I have been able to stay in contact over the years, and when she learned about Isaiah, she and the amazing women in her Bible study showered me in prayer and sent me sweet encouraging messages. These sweet women became my Seattle Prayer Brigade.

On the eve of my due date, I opened my email to the most touching surprise. Since she knew how tough the day would be, Jen organized people to cover me in prayer for the full 24 hours. It gave me such peace to know that I was not trudging through this day on my own - godly men and women from around the country were holding me up in prayer, literally carrying me through the day.

A few women from my work signed up to pray for me and invited me to a mid-day prayer session. These women prayed for me, shared encouraging scriptures and thoughts with me and wept with me. It was such a sweet time.

We made it through that day - I wont deny that there were many tears, but it wasn't nearly as awful as I expected. My prayer brigade from Seattle and around the world supported us and loved on us so much and for that I am so thankful.

You all have been the tangible love of Christ to me, and as I celebrate this first holiday without my boy, I am reminded daily of how loved I am - by my husband, family, friends, people I have never met face-to-face, and ultimately God.

This Easter, I am choosing not to dwell on the lonely ache in my heart. I am choosing to dwell on this love and the amazing resurrection of Christ. Its because of His victory over the grave, I know my boy is looking his savior face-to-face on this glorious Easter morn.

One of the most commonly known verses of the Bible has had a new profound meaning to me this year:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16

This is a God that is also well acquainted with losing a son, yet He loves us so much that was willing to sacrifice His son that we all might have eternal life with him

I am so loved!

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