I have been taking a bit of a blogging break for the past few months, but its because I have been trying prevent myself from spilling the beans. I am pregnant - just over 16 weeks along. This little one is due September 12th (although we may end up being induced a little early). This pregnancy has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for both Matt and I. We are excited and have been truly amazed at God's timing. We found out I was pregnant on New Year's Eve. I wasn't sure if I was pregnant or not, but New Year's is a popular night for enjoying a few drinks and glasses of Champagne. I decided to take a test just in case and was shocked to discover it was positive. We had already been looking forward to putting 2010 behind us and this exciting news was the perfect way to start the New Year. We did end up attending a party at my friends house that evening, where I discovered that drinking only the mix for Margaritas is just plain gross!
The early weeks were terrifying as I felt so similar to how I felt when I found out about my miscarriage. My first appointment was the afternoon of the start of the blizzard here in Chicago. I was so anxious to find out if the baby was ok and I was worried they would close my doctor's office due to the storm. I called and they promised to stay open, so I prepared myself to face the storm. Matt and I both tried grabbing a cab from our offices to the doctor's on the other side of town, but traffic was at a standstill and Matt couldn't even catch a cab. We found ourselves trudging through the piles of snow and holding each other down so we wouldn't fly away in the winds, but I was not going to miss that appointment! Thankfully we got to see our little (at that point, really little!) baby swimming around on the screen with a strong heartbeat. It was wonderful. To make that day even more powerful, it was the day before Isaiah's birthday. We found ourselves with something to be excited about on what could have been a really hard day.
The weeks since then have still been filled with a bit of anxiety. I had a bleeding scare around week 13 which put us back on heightened anxiety, but thankfully everything appears to be going well. I had my 16 week appt on Tuesday. Since I was feeling nervous, my doctor did an extra ultrasound so we got to see the baby wiggling around. It was amazing!
I don't know that our anxiety about this pregnancy will go away until we are holding this little one in our arms. I have to be honest that we have found ourselves a little annoyed at the people that have been overly thrilled and congratulatory about this pregnancy. I know they are well meaning, but its a bit hard to swallow when we are feeling such a mix of anxiety and joy. Please be patient with us - especially when we don't sound as excited as a lot of people do when they announce they are pregnant. What means the most to us right now are those that say they are happy for us and then offer to pray for us and our little one. It is through lots and lots of praying for this baby that Matt and I are learning to trust God in a new and deeper way and I am slowly, and I mean very slowly, learning to cast my anxious thoughts on him.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6