To borrow a phrase from a blog I recently stumbled across, this blog is getting moldy. I haven't had the motivation or inspiration to update it lately.
Honestly, I have been in quite the funk for the last couple of weeks. I was warned by many women who have gone through a similar tragedy that grief can come and go in waves, but I never expected that it would still hit me like this 5 months later.
I am learning that there is no timetable for grief. Each of our experiences are unique and therefore how we learn to cope with our grief will be different. I am really wishing there was a road map at this point though so I would know what to expect, but alas there is not, and I need to come up with a game plan to help me through these difficult seasons.
I know I need to face this grief head-on. To try deny an emotion and bury it is to risk an emotional explosion later. But I also, am coming to realize that I have control of how I respond to these emotions and what I do with them. I can wallow in them until they affect my sleep, my health, and my attitude....which is what I have done lately, and trust me, I don't even like to be around myself then! Or I can express what I am feeling in a healthy way - praying, journaling, and talking to good biblical counselors and friends, and choose to not let these feelings consume me. I can either choose to focus on the negatives, the sadness, the loss or choose to focus on the beautiful blessing Isaiah was and is to me and the many other blessings in my life. I am going to go with option B because that puts me in a much better place.
So in an effort, to focus on the blessings in my life, I am going to start a blessings journal. I want to use this to record all of the blessings of my day - be they big or small, so when I am having a tough day, I can flip through and remember that even in the tough days of life, I am still abundantly blessed.
Its amazing how what we choose to think of can dramatically affect our attitude and perspectives on life.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. - Philippians 4:8