I can't believe I have already made it to the third trimester....or really close depending on which website you look at. Thankfully the pregnancy is going fairly quickly, and starting next week, I will be seeing the doctor a whole lot more which I am sure will help my nerves.
This little guy has been a pretty chill baby. He moves a fair amount...but he likes to nap a lot too. Imagine that, a growing baby needs his sleep. I do not do well with his down time though. If I haven't felt him in an hour or so, I find myself poking and prodding my belly to try to get him moving. If that doesn't do it, I have resorted to pop, a sugary treat or a spicy snack...whatever it takes. I read that his brain is starting to function a whole lot better this week...he is probably starting to think, "Mom, stop bugging me!"
In all honesty, these quiet moments bring back the morning we found out we had lost Isaiah. I have never mentioned this on my blog, but the morning of that shattering doctors appointment, Isaiah wasn't moving. I kept trying to get him to move. I even had an orange juice which often worked. Still nothing. I tried not to get worried. I had felt him a ton the night before, and I had an appointment later in the morning where I could verify that everything was ok....only it wasn't.
I know each pregnancy and each baby is different so I am trying to adjust to the patterns of this baby, but at times its hard. I keep trying to remind myself to lean on God more and more. He loves this baby more than Matt and I ever could, but still its hard. Through these moments, I am really learning that Christian catch phrases are often a bunch of bunk and not helpful. I keep hearing, "Just have faith." Well ok there is truth in that, but its just not that simple. I am learning that if faith were always easy...it wouldn't be faith. There is no "just have" about it. Having faith and trusting God is a daily battle to take him at his word and turn over each worry and concern to him. This a great lesson for me to learn...but not an easy one for this hard headed girl!
Praying for new and precious mercies, as you walk step by step and breath by breath in faith and all the obedience, strength and courage that entails. Trusting God to be God is the hardest work I've ever attempted.
ReplyDeleteHello Lauren,
ReplyDeleteHolly gave me the link to your blog...my husband and I just lost our baby via miscarriage. Its been a really hard time... I only carried the baby to 12 weeks...but I had so much love to give the loss has left a large hole of hurt...somedays Im totally fine and other days I cant stop crying...I know we dont really know each other...but I really dont know who else to talk to...my roommate from college just had a beautiful baby girl...and I want to be a good friend and celebrate in her joy and go see her beautiful baby...but I just can't...is this wrong? Am I being a bad friend?
I am so glad everything is going well for you and praying it continues to be an amazing journey!
ReplyDeleteI lost our first child 2 1/2 years ago at 27 weeks. He was an amazing little boy named Ian and he was our light. We were absolutely devastated and it was dark times for a very long time. I am now happy to say we gave birth to our second child on June 9th and he is a perfect little boy we named Liam.
Your story touched me because I know the grief of losing a child and how the only one that can really get you through the pain is GOD. I still have my "angry moments" with him but they are slowly going away.
May you have as many precious moments with your new little one as I find with my little Liam.
Praying for a safe delivery.